may 2002
9 thursday

Birthday was great... Austin was great... though I fantasized about my doorbell ringing and you surprising me. Or a nice package or something... nothing as usual. Just air.

This morning I overheard a woman say "Babies choose their parents"...

What makes babies change their minds?
april 2002
26 friday

We leave tomorrow for our trip to Texas! See you soon!

I wrote a song. We will make music for it. It's maybe a song about someone you see at a dance club or a bar that you can't take your eyes off... when the music is done I will post a link to it here!

you
you're making me crazy
you're making me do things
i wouldn't want to do

you,
you're making me see things
you're making me think like
i'm in love with you

i don't want you in my head
it's too much
i don't want you in my head
it's too rough
i don't want you in my head
it's to much for me to handle

and i don't even know your name

true
i've loved other people
and they have loved me
as i'm loving you

and it's true
i really don't love myself
but the thought of us
makes me love me too

when i have you in my head
it feels right
when i have you in my head
holding me tight
when i have you in my head
i lose sight of reality

and i don't even know your name

I can't sleep at night, i stay wide awake
laying in bed, noise in my head
and only if you would come by
i know i could fall asleep for eternity

blue
you're making me so sad
the more you escape me
the more i want you

wrong
we were never a good match
i tell myself that
because I cannot have you

i don't want you in my head
but i see you
i don't want you in my head
oh i need you
please get out of my head
life is so cruel i know you will hurt me

Hi there, what's your name?
22 monday

It got cold again. The heat wave is over. I am sick in bed.

"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are."
Anais Nin

"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."
Erin Majors
21 sunday


Did it all really happen?
Why can't we make it happen again?
Or did I make it all up?

Saturday afternoon... saturday evening... I have really bad wrist and shoulder pain... so bad... but I am smiling still because my place is FINALLY clean and finally there is room on the floor to dance my favorite dance!

Sniffing the snatch made you strong!

Elle and T.C. are here in spirit...
20 saturday


Yeah, you're right.
It is stupid to miss a piece of plastic.
And it's just as stupid to miss a sandwich...

Ever wake up and have the taste of a chinese egg roll inyour mouth? But you didn't eat that the night before?

Last night's storm was really insane... I admit I got scared when I saw all the lightning across the street hitting the rooftops of my neighbors... as I stood at my open window I almost hoped that the lightning would strike me. But where was the thunder?!?!?

This morning we had an earthquake. I can't talk about that. Frightening.

19 thursday... I mean friday

HEATWAVE!!

It's been almost 98 degrees outside!
The heat is freakish for this time of the year...
the paint is peeling, the bugs are comin' out,
and I am melting... melting... melting...

Think about it...
it is almost as hot outside as
the inside of your mouth...or anus!

Gotta put the hair up to stay cool!
18 thursday

Message from the Sentimental Sultan: I love you all!
17 wednesday

Feels like summer days, sleeping naked, surfing naked.

This week's Six Feet Under... herregud... so good.

El G and I are brainstorming the web design company that could make us... I need to recruit web design talent. Pronto!

Years ago, I sculpted this two foot statue of Jesus.
Ceramic and glaze.
16 tuesday

I miss it. I fear I will never see it again.
10 wednesday

Yesterday as the camera was on me I realized that I was more emotional about 9/11 than I thought. What a strange interview... in that confessional... when the camera came on and it was time for action my brain froze and I just didn't know what to say.

BTW- Michael, the angel roll was so delicious... thank you for the celebrity treatment, you always always make me feel special whenever I walk into the joint.
8 monday

Sometimes it happens... someone comes into your life and you realize after much time that you want to take care of them... and sometimes they let you... I have experienced this... and other times they don't let you and they never realize what they have missed because they never understood what was in your heart for them and you know you would have cradled them, made them feel good, even if for just a few years, a few hours, a few minutes...

Of course I have been on the other side too... people coming at me wanting to care for me and I refuse them, never realizing how much they cared and then they go away. They give up.

I give up too.

I apologize. I see it now.

There are oceans between us
that drown my heart
mess with my mind
tear me apart

I cry oceans between us
that drift you away
out over the horizon
too far away

So quick, how now becomes a memory
shot onto photo paper
shoved into an album
as if it once really existed

What I once had sitting next to me
now two dimensional
the emotion inside me
tuly unbelievable

And for what?
I don't know

What happens now?
I don't know

What should I do?
I guess I'll go

Go onto the next one.
Move onto the next.
5 friday

These pics sum up the highlights of the day...

Look who I found! Angel and Cis! We enjoyed bubble tea and talked about boys, life, joy, sadness, WWII, how rust forms, etc... you know, typical girl talk.

( some of the balls were hard )

Then Angel and I did a little shopping for our loved ones...

( I really hope he likes this jacket )

...shot some pool...

...and then grew hair all over our bodies and my head exploded.

It was a good day.

Earlier that day...
I woke up at around 3 am with thoughts of people in/from my life swirling all around my head... causing me a headache... I wished I could talk to a friend... but it was too early and no one was around.

So instead I just thought some more. And felt like voicing...

I think of YOU
your short brown/black hair, goatee
you had a good time with me the other night?
you say you want to get to know me
I want to know you
Let's go get more coffee

And then I think of YOU
your hair so long, so black
dear friend, remember when we cut it?
of course you do

And then there's YOU
hair so curly
finding butter
we've been through so much
green eyes, I live for you

And then YOU pop into my head
the sound of your face, sideburns
so scratchy and clear
I miss the little blonde hairs on your arm
I feel them near
God, our timing sucks
will you tango with me?

And what are YOU up to?
It's been years since we...well...
big hands, you were hot for me
would you still be?

And YOU,
the things you say to me
is that really how you feel?
those words you use are soooo strong
your love for me, is it real?

And what about YOU?
Are you still wearing your camera?
Looking for me?
Well, I'm back now
give me a buzz

And YOU...what a friend
your hamster runs circles in my head
the path I am on
has made me meet you

Do YOU think of me?
I have cut your blonde hairs too
and your car, cerulean blue
you lay with me in bed
I so wanted you

And I remember YOU
I had the biggest crush
but I never returned your phone calls
and you actually died
( I left you a new quarter on your grave )

And I think of YOU
your new short white hair
your singing ringing in my ear
I make you so far
while you are so near.

I think of you too.
4 thursday

What? It is thursday already? Wow... I have been so enveloped in thought that I did not even see the calendar pages fall off...

I have been enlightened. I have met yet another person with a heart of gold who has touched me... helped me realize many important things about my life, where it is, how I act... And the sky has some color again... Yan Yan... thanks... from the bottom of my heart...

This is how I feel now.
3 wednesday

I was the happiest I had ever been in my adult life last month. During and after my trip to Stockholm... and I knew that this extreme happiness could not possibly last long. I was right. Now I am experiencing the exact opposite of that.

This is how I feel... I drew it just for you.
march 2002
28 thursday

OK. I lied. Well, maybe not lied...but I have been so busy that I can't keep up this diary... or this particular diary I should say, since all the work I do on this site is really like creative diary entries... does anyone buy that bull? Liz???

Truth is I have been Euro travelling... looking for love and creativity...( failing miserably at the first part but succeeding at the next! ) Stockholm and several cities in Italy to be precise. And speaking of Euro... I don't like it... I mean, it's easy, like dollars and cents now, but everything is more $$$...if you know what I mean. For the record, and this is atypical, in Rome I was charged about five dollars for a 7up. Shafted!

Check out my buddy Giacomo's work. He is an extremely talented musician with a heart of gold.

http://lowlight.gbmusic.it

Big hug to Giaco and Niky!
january 2002
9 wednesday

New Year.

Fresh start.

Lay offs. Fun.

hmmm...what's for dinner?

And why is wednesday spelled that way?

I have begun some new photo obsessive projects. Now there is $ocko, the tight lipped lovin' funky monkey,

and "Meep-meep!", once called "Cynthia and Small Automobiles in Europe" (that one is pretty self-explainatory).


I am also working on another series called "Face Bella". ooh, it's gooooood...I'll post a sampling to whet your appetite soon...
12 saturday

Booking tickets for London. Must...get...away...

I'll bring the furBook with me and work on my screenplay.
13 sunday

Grig and I are searching for more material and inspiration for our writing. We saw the midnight showing of Donnie Darko last night next to Two Boots on ave.A and third. Interesting...

The answers are out there...and now so are these cheesy pics!
diary archives

september 01